Progress Note

I have been thinking and praying recently about trust. More specifically I have been struggling with trust regarding provisions for my trip next year. I say all the time how much I trust God and right now I am praying for Him to increase my trust concerning this. This post serves as a progress note of sorts. I was at lifegroup tonight and had a bit of a revelation as to why I may have trust issues in general.
Over the last year and a half I have faced a lot of disappointments, mostly with old friends. I have had so many doors close on friendships I held so dear. I can't pinpoint exactly when the doors closed, just that recently I have realized they are no longer very interested in my life. I have a habit of holding expectations of people. These aren't necessarily high expectations, but I want to always believe people are inherently good and won't let me down (with the big things), but sometimes its just not the case. This isn't the place to get into all of the incredible people who have come into my life this year, I just want to mention that I am of course incredibly thankful and blessed to have my new friends.
I know there is a time to drop all expectations, for instance next year I am going in with no expectations and want to be open to all God has planned. To have expectations of people first requires trust..which brings me to my point.
While closing up and praying tonight I realized when I pray I sometimes avoid certain things or don't trust God to answer. I have been convicted to be a better witness at work, I even bought a book by a Christian author for a guy I work with. His daughter's boyfriend was going to be coming to him to ask for his permission to ask her to marry him. This guy was totally freaked out about it. After praying for a way to witness I was at the bookstore and found a book titled "So you want to marry my daughter". It was perfect, and the guy actually read it. He seems like an impossible person to reach with any talk of God, he is anti-religion and faith. So why have I not prayed for him?
Why am I concerned with raising money for next year?
Why don't I pray for things with a heart full of un-doubting faith?
I think I'm afraid to be disappointed....
Which is crazy, right!?
This is God we're talking about. His ways are not our ways. Being a disappointment is not on Gods resume.
I was on a trip this year with a girl who lead a really cool devotion one morning. She said sometimes life is similar to a closet. You know the one with all of your junk. Every week you stuff more and more into the closet with the promise to yourself you are going to clean it out on the weekend. The weekend passes and the closet is still packed. You continue packing things into each corner, a shoe here, a jacket there. One day you open the closet and all of your crap comes tumbling out. Now you are sitting in the middle of all of it and you have to figure out what to do. Some things need to be thrown out. Others need to be thought about for a bit, figure out if you need them or not. Still other things need to be brushed off and brought out again.
At work I write progress notes on every patient I take care of. I write about all of the things I did that day, mention changes from the day before, etc...
This is my progress note. A year and a half ago I was sitting in the middle of a big pile of "stuff" not knowing where to start. Now I am finding myself organized and feeling good about how things are looking. This trust issue is similar to the shirt in the proverbial closet that you see and ask yourself "where did that come from and why have I kept it for so long?"
I know I need to toss this trust issue out. I'm glad I found it and figured out where it came from. I am excited to see what God has in store for not just the coming months and years but for my life in general. I read this verse the other day and I keep reading it every night before bed, I love it.
Romans 12:2
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will."