Reflections

hmmm. yeah, these titles seem cheesy to me at times too. I was actually quite excited about this one though, read on and you'll see why...

I have been working now for a full week on the wards. I still feel like I am in some surreal dream-job. Every time I feel an ounce of stress, within seconds I also feel a little hand on my leg, reaching up as far as he can saying 'mama' (I'm working on the ohh ohh ahh ahh, like a monkey with Abe, we're getting there). Kisses and songs, drums, rattles made from metal bowls, alarms ringing, toys crashing, all of it create a symphony of sound incomparable to anything I have ever heard. (do you like how I used the word 'symphony' there, some would beg to differ if they were to stumble upon 'B' ward in the morning).

While I have been in Africa, I have noticed something which has had a profound impact on my life, my walk with God, how I see myself, etc...(not going to get too mushy on ya').

When you look into a child's eyes here, you can see your reflection. Their eyes are so ink-black, it is quite easy to see yourself. I'm sure it would happen if you gazed longingly at an adult here too, but I much prefer children, thankyouverymuch.

I had just picked up a little baby when this line of thinking first occurred to me. While I looked into her eyes and saw myself, I thought of how we should reflect Christ. I've heard the example of a mirror, the 'who's looking back at you' spiel, but for me, the analogy only makes sense when I look at myself through the eyes of a child. Anytime before coming here, the scripture I paired with kids was "let the children come to me, and do not hinder them. For the kingdom of God belong to such as these..."
That day, and everyday since, when I look at a child I hear an almost audible,

"whatever you do for the least of these you do for me."
There is an honesty about children that is captivating. I jokingly talk about how I relate better to kids than I do adults, but its actually a fact. For as long as I can remember that's how its been. Its hard to put into words, but I admire children to an extent that I strive to be on their level, to understand their simplicity, fully embrace their sweet spirits.
In admiring them that much, I have found that I do a lot of self-reflection when I am with them, and just in general since being here too.
I'm here to say we need to look at our lives. We need a selfless, honest look into our souls, a look at who we really are, what we are doing in this life. Then, if you are like me, you need to repeatedly look in that mirror, gaining understanding each time you do.

Today I couldn't help but reflect on my life. I had 30 minutes where I was alone on the ward this afternoon. Besides the monitors and a toy with dying buttons, all was calm (I won't say the 'Q' word for fear of the evening nurses coming after me). As I sat and looked around, I recalled so many instances in my life where I would have picked the exact opposite for myself, yet God was steadily preparing me, watching me ever so patiently. Every single aspect of who I am, how I act, the fact that I am alive and breathing, every ounce of me was made to be there, to be here, at this very moment.
I am astounded at the privilege of being here. I am in awe that my lessons in faith these days are learned while staring into the eyes of a child in Africa, studying them, humbled by each encounter.
I can't get over it. I just can't. Its incredible.

My story, my life, my being here, couldn't be less about me. I think that's what I am starting to realize, and I think of a roller coaster (which seems kinda weird). That feeling in your chest of falling. Its thrilling, exciting, eye opening, and sometimes a little scary. My story has an author with a vivid, beautiful, unbelievable, undeniable love and desire for me to live.
That takes my breath away.

Last 2 things. While writing this I have been listening to a mix cd (I am admitting now that I originally wrote 'mix tape' here. Hey 1990's called...) from a new friend, Meg. It has songs I have never heard, and others I find comfort and familiarity in listening to. In the middle of writing this, I heard this verse...
"For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you"
-C.S Lewis Song, Brooke Fraser

And lastly, something that has been making me laugh, and now that you have been 'introduced' to Abraham, you can appreciate my perspective;