The journey

I've been trying to search the distance from Togo-Amsterdam-Boston-West Palm beach Florida...and back, but even Wikipedia is coming up short this morning.
Last week I had the absolute privilege of traveling back to the states for my best friends wedding. I had agreed to be one of her bridesmaids well before I knew I would be staying long term in Africa, and instead of trying to split my time between her destination wedding and home, my family came down to Florida and we had a week together before her wedding and our flight back to Africa the following day.
Whew. Deep breath.

My second brush with transitioning to the 'first world' was easier, I think. I knew what to appreciate and what not to get hung up on, at least.
The first news from Africa was of Anicette. I felt so far away, my emotions seemed misplaced sitting at the table of my parents time share.
The following day I heard from Becca about our Burkitt's patient, Michael. His mama took him from the hospital and they were nowhere to be found. Even if they are found, we will have a fight ahead of us to get him back into the program at the local hospital, which we'll do...if we find him.

Earlier in the week I had received a vague email, in French, from the doctor in Benin I have stayed in touch with regarding Luc and Rachelle, my Burkitt's patients from last year. In response I asked him what exactly he was asking me.
I hated his reply;
"Luc is no longer responding to the Doxirubicin. We believe his cancer has spread to his brain. Is it possible for him to come to the ship?"
Again, my heart fought for ground as my arms rested on the cool glass of the dining room table.

I felt so guilty earlier this year saying to someone that being home brought further affirmation that I am supposed to be in Africa. I felt like that was betraying my family, that maybe I am supposed to hate being away, but willing to sacrifice, but that's not the truth.
I do miss them terribly. Seeing them, then saying goodbye, hurts quite badly. I had such a sweet week with them, and honestly I have to fight at times to have the proper perspective about being away because I love them so much, I love being around them. However, that doesn't mean I don't belong here in Africa.
When we landed in Ghana, still hours from the ship, I felt contentment settle in. I sighed when I felt the warm air surround me. I marveled at the stars, their simplicity and beauty never cease to amaze me. I slept as the taxi driver sped through the winding roads, waking occasionally to bright lights belonging to the customs officials shining into the car at the various checkpoints on the road.

I went downstairs this morning to check on a potential new Burkitt's Patient, Kossi. He is 11 and has a smile that makes my heart leap. His mama's smile is equally big, just minus several teeth. Last night we had a big dinner with all of the doctors we are working with at the hospital in town. We brainstormed with them on ways we can help improve their current system and conditions on the ward. I am back and life is in full swing again.

This morning as I tried to tame a wild 4 year old in the corner of B ward who was set on clamoring past me for a chance at something to eat when all I wanted was a hug, I wished I could find words to describe what I felt.
True joy. Unexplainable, undeniable, unfathomable joy, is found here. In this place, at this time, Africa is where my heart is. When I pick up a little boy with severely clubbed feet who wraps his legs around my waist and squeals with delight, I feel it. When I wake up in the morning, only able to hope we can help little Kossi in bed 6, I know I am supposed to be here, living steps away from where he lies.
Seeing a picture of Gerald (coming soon! promise!) after only 1 dose of chemo, his face drastically improved, I gain a glimpse of understanding into God's plan for my life.
My sister loves the phrase;
"There is joy in the journey". After the past week, and now after 2 full days back, that statement seems to be coming to mind over and over today. And I can't stop smiling.

There is a joy in the journey
There's a light we can love on the way
There is a wonder and wildness to life
And freedom for those who obey
And all those who seek it shall find it
A pardon for all who believe
Hope for the hopeless and sight for the blind
To all who've been born in the Spirit
And who share incarnation with Him
Who belong to eternity stranded in time
And weary of struggling with sin
Forget not the hope that's before you
And never stop counting the cost
Remember the hopelessness when you were lost
There is a joy in the journey
There's a light we can love on the way
There is a wonder and wildness to
And freedom for those who obey...
-Joy in the Journey, Michael Card