Over the last weeks and months I have felt pretty convicted of giving away (or throwing away) a lot of material possessions I have. I have also been convicted to stop spending money on things that are considered "extras". I suppose its easy for me to adopt this new line of thinking while facing a year of living out of one 50lb bag, yup, ONE bag...ONE year. It has truly been a change of heart. My car which I really loved so much a year ago now is just a bunch of metal sitting on rubber. Clothes and shopping were easy to give up...never meant that much anyways. My goal is to give away 2/3 of the clothes I currently own. I would say I made piles of 1/3 without flinching, I haven't seen most of them in years. Any purchased items first have to pass the test of "Will I absolutely need to bring this with me next year??" and most of the time the answer is no. Instead of spending $150 on my hair every 6 weeks at the hairdresser and insanely expensive shampoo and conditioner, I bought a $10 bottle of hair dye (ended up being on sale for $7) and did it myself. So far I haven't heard any gasps of horror or people scoffing and whispering under their breath about the girl with the $7 dye job, so far so good. My shampoo and conditioner were cheap too, seem to be working just fine really, no visible dirt at all.
This is all great and everything but what might you ask have I been throwing out internally? I have been falling asleep to the t.v. going every night for years. A few months ago I started making time for a 5-10 minute prayer and then right to an episode of scrubs. I think I looked forward more to the show then the prayer, twisted, I know. This week I stopped turning on the t.v. at night. I started a prayer journal where I am finding I spend 30min just writing out everything on my mind and heart...and addressing it all to God. I go back and really meditate on the written prayers. I've never felt closer to God then during these times, and now I can't wait for that time each night. When I lay down my thoughts are on God, not on J.D. and Turks antics and humorous dialog. I was feeling far away from God, not disconnected in any way, just that He was way off out there somewhere and I was here just trying desperately to hear Him. Now I feel closer than ever, hmmm...just keeping the t.v. off brought me closer to God, wow. In seeing this I am asking through prayer for God to reveal to me other things that may be keeping me from getting closer to Him, we'll see whats next!
At the end of the day I could care less about material things. Sure, I have my comforts that, well, make life more comfortable but I think I could even give those up without much of a fight. I am seeing life as more of a journey towards a kingdom where I will meet my maker. I'm pretty sure He won't say "Of look, its Suzanne, the girl with the salon perfect highlights and sweet trailblazer." Instead I hope He looks at me and sees his Son's heart, that of a humble servant to His kingdom.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal."