Hunger

Hubert weighs 3.9 kg. He is the size of a healthy newborn, the only problem with that being he is 9 months old.
He is one of two babies right now who after being seen through our feeding program here, were admitted because they were losing weight.
As I sit here and type, Hubert is sleeping in my arms. I just won the two hour fight to get him back to sleep. His crying doesn't wake up his mom anymore, a sign that she has grown used to it, that she maybe is too withdrawn to take care of her own child. For two hours I have bounced, cooed, swayed, and fed this tiny baby. My heart aches with a love so intense that I can hardly take my eyes off of him. I can't stop kissing his smooth, brown forehead, that wrinkles ever so slightly when he arches his eyebrows.

I can't wrap my head around how a mother can watch her child fail. How even with talk of curses and the disfigurement of being born with a cleft lip in a culture dripping with fatalism, she sleeps through cries from her own baby who is quite literally starving .
Hubert is hungry, but for much more than just food. He craves love. He needs sweet, sincere attention. He cries often, but stops the moment you hold him. After you have him secure in your arms he is content to sit and marvel at all that is around him.

As I walked, bounced, and swayed at 4am in our small ward trying to convince this child that it was indeed time to sleep, I thought about how we are all hungry. We are hungry for a love that is unconditional. A love that defies all boundaries and logic. A love that never fails. Just a taste, a small sip of something that perfect would satisfy us forever. I drink from that well. My hope, my contentment, my joy, it all comes from a beautiful, simple, marvelous love that holds me sweetly and sincerely.

John 4:11-14
"Sir, the woman said, "you don't even have a bucket, and the well is deep. Where are you going to get this life-giving water? Our ancestor Jacob dug this well for us, and his family and animals got water from it. Are you greater than Jacob?"
Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again. But no one who drinks the water I give will ever be thirsty again. The water I give is like a flowing fountain that gives eternal life."

In going through a book I just finished, The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, I wrote down this quote earlier tonight. In looking at ourselves, in all of our imperfections and disfigurements, consider this;
"As we glance up, we are astonished to find the eyes of Jesus open with wonder, deep with understanding, and gentle with compassion".

Gotta run, Hubert is gearing up for another battle along with 2 other babies who have decided its kosher to join in the fun at 5am.
Till next time.