In awe

There was a team meeting today about Hubert. Ali came into my room to wake me up and tell me the details.
"We'll watch him for the next 24 hours and if he doesn't improve we will take him off the ventilator." Baby Hubert's lungs seem too damaged, his body doesn't have enough "reserve" as we call it. I have been in a constant state of communication with God these past days. I am at total peace, it truly is ok if he dies, but I am just so tired. Not defeated, simply tired. Maybe that's why Ali found me sleeping at 6 tonight, I couldn't keep my eyes open this afternoon so I curled up in bed, protected from the world outside my door.

When I walked into church tonight my friend Liz smiled and waved me over to where she was sitting. Edith and nearly a dozen of her family and friends were sitting, perfectly dressed, in the front rows. I shook the hands of the men from her church I had prayed with while she was in surgery. I smiled and firmly grasped the rough hand of her husband while I was introduced to Edith's daughter, Mary.
When I hugged Edith she buried her face into my neck. This has happened only a couple of times in my life, and only during my time in Africa. It is by far the most touching thing I can think of. It humbles me beyond belief.
"God bless you, Suzanne. Thank you, God bless you"

Oh Edith, you have no idea how blessed I am.

Soon Ali was by my side and we found ourselves tearfully singing worship to the God we trust, to the God we love. She slipped her arm under mine and held my hand during my favorite one, funny how things like this come up right when you need them to.

The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are the voice that calls the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name
-Till' I see you, Hillsong

One of the guys prayed for where we were tonight. After the culmination of the week that has passed, and in looking forward to this week. He prayed we would find peace in God. My eyes fell on little Mary in front of me, dancing joyfully to the music.

Thank you God for showing me this. Mary gets to have her mama, Edith's life was spared.

In the face of life and death, God has the victory. There is purpose in this life, in every encounter and interaction. I am in awe of everything that surrounds me here, how intensely loved I am. Ali and I prayed to be filled again, to be able to give all of ourselves tomorrow. My heart was mended and began filling tonight while I watched Edith raise her hands in worship, praising our God.
He is good. He is worthy. He will have the victory.