A time to heal

Over the last weeks and months I have had a lot going on. The balancing act of extreme emotions that comes with being here was wearing on me. I was running on my own strength some days, which of course is never a good idea. Last week I told people I was just holding on for dear life through the storms, holding fast to God and His promises.
My knuckles were practically white.

It wasn't until this week that I started putting God's recent work into a bigger picture (part of me getting over myself and all). Last week Aime's mom came back to the ship with us, she wanted to see the nurses that took care of her sweet boy before he died. She was hugged and kissed, squeezed and looked at through teary eyes.

This week we got a call from Hubert's dad. He asked if their family could come to the ship. I was beaming as my translator hung up the phone. We had given them our number the day Hubert died, but I'm not sure I ever expected them to call. I definitely didn't expect them to be so willing to come back.
As the nurses passed around little Pauline who let her timid smiles out in between hugs and tickles, tears were found in all of our eyes. We got to hug baby Hubert's mom, meet his older brother, and show the father some more glimpses of how we work, how we are just here trying to love. That's it, that's our goal. We love them.

I realized today how coming back to the hospital after losing a child is something a lot of parents do. I believe it is part of their grieving process, part of their healing.
What they don't realize is that it is part of our healing process as nurses too. Seeing them, being able to just stand in a doorway as smiling girls clad in blueberry-colored scrubs came through for their chance at a big hug (and more tears), was soul medicine. The good stuff.

And then I saw what God was up to. As this outreach starts winding down, as patients start declining, as I struggle with the way hospitals mistreat their patients and fight with everything in me to get through, to hold on, I see God. I can hear Him.

Come to me, give me your burdens. My load is light, child. Its time. Time to heal that heart of yours that's hurting so much for these people.

My mom came here almost a month ago, and I smile thinking about how perfect the timing was of her being here. Its hard to be away from your best friend, its difficult to face uncertainty in regards to the future and when you may live on the same continent again. I know this time has been a time of healing for hearts that ache from being apart. It was a time that strengthened me, has helped me gain excitement and momentum to finish this outreach as best I can.
We leave tomorrow morning for a night away. We will spend a couple of days relaxing after a long few weeks, probably reading side by side on a beach, a favorite for both of us. More healing. Bring it on.

I will always remember those two little boys, and I am so grateful for the restoration going on in their families lives.
As for me, every kiss from a kid, every flying leap of another running into my arms, continues to heal my heart. It fills to overflowing.
How cool is that? God is just so awesome. period.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace

But wait, read just a little more. It gets better.

Ecc. 3:9-14

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.