Crossroads

This past weekend I got the chance to go camping at Grand Popo, about two hours outside of Cotonou. I was happy to get away, and once two of my favorite words; 'beach' and 'camping' were mentioned I was even more excited. Leaving only an hour late (right on time in these parts) we made it to the beach by lunchtime. I was feeling good, a little quiet, but good. About halfway through the day my thoughts started really turning towards things in general I don't commonly think about these days. I'm not someone who thinks negatively or critically about my situation on a regular basis. All of a sudden I had feelings of insecurity about myself, doubt over my circumstances, and an overall feeling of sadness. I felt guilty for getting away and enjoying myself, and at one point I even heard a voice inside telling me I was too old to be living this lifestyle, one that is fun and unpredictable. The heaviness was consuming me, I just kept praying for God to take it away, or at least help me identify why I was so flooded by these thoughts.

That night we all sat around a campfire. It was the ideal scene, ocean in the background, huge fire, guitar, worship, 20 people ,and a blanket of stars in the sky. I couldn't bring myself to do anything except lay on my back and listen to the music. I just stared into the sky and prayed. A group of us decided to sleep on the beach and throughout the night when I found myself awake, I looked up and seemed to have a quiet understanding with God that He was right there under the guise of all those stars, covering me.

The next morning we made our way into a circle after a quick breakfast. We sang worship and one shared their testimony, our own small "church" service. The whole time I kept praying for God to break whatever stronghold there was on my thoughts, I was being haunted by them, and I hated it. At the very end one of the people recommended we sing "This is the day that the Lord has made"

haha

duh.

I smiled. I needed to get over myself. I needed to "rejoice and be glad" in the day, so I vowed to do just that.

With a few hours still left in the day before we left I found a quiet spot under some palm trees, fired up my ipod, and lost myself in good thoughts and prayer.

At one point I had an image of walking towards the beach. I was on one of those skiny paths through beach grass. I could choose a path to the right or stay on the straight one, heading right towards God.

I was at a crossroads this weekend. Every negative thought in my mind threatened to steer me off, distract me from what I am here to do, and steal my joy in the process. I was telling my dad later that night that I couldn't help having feelings that what I am doing is self-gratifying because I am so excited to be here. God reminded me that He called me here to do this, and not to feel guilty about having so much joy in this job (and thats its ok to rest too). I have never had something so good happen in my life, and the 'old' me says I don't deserve it.

My insecurity, uncertainty, age, and doubts don't define me (thank God). I picked the path I am taking this weekend, and I am sticking to it.

How about some pictures?

Grand Popo Beach

After a yummy dinner...

Rm 4341 girls!!

After 2 attempts and pouring a little gasoline on the dried palms the locals got the fire going for us.

I wish I could claim this picture as my own, any of these for that matter. I love this one. You can click on it to enlarge.

Proverbs 3:6

"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Oh, and when we broke down the other day on our way to see a patient we simply called the ship for a 'tow'. You see here it is perfectly acceptable, even common to tow cars using nothing but a rope. This is Africa, and I seriously love it.