Hint Hint

Ok, so I can take a hint. I'll admit I can be stubborn, but I suppose God knows that which is why he has been reminding me over, and over, and over again about this one particular point. It started last year, prayers to break out of my comfort zone that is. I joined a LifeGroup, even when I was horrified by the thought of sitting in a room of girls, all eyes on me. Next comes Mercy Ships. It was so undeniable that God was calling me to do it that I didn't really have time to think about the issues I had with confidence and how they may need to be addressed. What better time for God to teach me some lessons than while surrounded by 30+ strangers??
We learned about God's character, how he is good, full of grace, loving kindness, the whole spiel. We learned to be confident in that. Guess what the pastor at church talked about for 3 straight Sundays? Confidence, of course. Confidence in God, His love, His grace, etc, etc...
Heb 4:16
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Then the personality testing comes. Ugh. I can still almost feel the gnawing in the pit of my stomach that this brought on, yuck.
That lesson was a big one
Lets go. Pick yourself up and be confident in me and yourself.
Got it God.
Then we have someone praying for me, they tell me three words that popped into their head.
Caring. Comfort. Confidence.
I'm starting to see a trend.
Now its time to say goodbye to training. More than one person spoke to me before I left, saw things about me that I have failed to see for years, good things. "I don't see the person you say you used to be" one says.
huh.
So then I'm on the plane coming home. I do the old 'flip to a page in the bible and see what it says' thing.
Psalm 139
v 5 "You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me"
v 9-10 "If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast"
And the kicker~
v 14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" wait, wait...Did I know that? I do now.

Apparently that's not all. I'm sitting down one night, flipping again and come across 1 John 4:18
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out all fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears in not made perfect in love." Sounds good, right? (All you Canadians are to blame for me now using the word "right", I can't ditch it)
My eyes wonder down to the notes at the bottom of the page, read on:
If we are ever afraid of the future, eternity, or Gods judgment, we can remind ourselves of God's love. We know that he loves us perfectly. We can resolve our fears first by focusing on his immeasurable love for us, and then by allowing Him to love others through us. His love will quiet your fears and give you confidence.

Ok, seriously, wouldn't it have been easier to just hit me over the head? It just took a lot of work to get me on board with this whole confidence thing. In talking with my mom she commented about how I was always a confident kid. I had courage. She loves the story of dropping me off at pre-school. I never once looked back, bee-lined it right to the blocks I'm sure (those things were awesome, you know, the old school wood blocks?)
I lost it for a while there, but its back now, safe and secure deep inside me.
I have never been so confident that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. One woman my mom was praying with about me said she had an image of an arrow pointing right into the middle of Gods will, I like that one.
One last thing before I end another long-winded post (I start off with the intention of keeping it short and sweet, like that will ever happen)

I was talking with someone the other night about how we have been reading scriptures out loud since one of the sermons in TX. The pastor made the point that we should do this because it forces us to hear what the bible says, makes sense to me. I shared I am doing that with Ps 139, and here is what they shared with me:
Is. 41 (I'll pick up in v 9)
"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said 'you are my servant; I have chosen you and have not rejected you'. So do not fear, I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand."

I can't help but smile, this was a fun lesson.